Sabbatical 16: "Shades of Jade" (July 18-August 3)

It’s late January, 2016 as I write this, and I am approaching the 20 year milestone of serving as pastor of VEV. I have seen a lot of things over these years of living, working, and worshiping in my Vancouver neighbourhood (25 years in total). Our church community has hovered between 80-100 in attendance. We’ve seen the planting of two churches, served thousands of chili-wagon meals on Commercial Drive, and have enjoyed a remarkable relationship with a tiny remote First Nations community on the Yukon Border for 21 years. We’ve had a steady stream of Regent students come through, many of whom fulfilled their supervised ministry requirements in our church while serving as pastoral assistants. While they received mentoring and training, they also etched their own positive mark on our church, and have now moved on to fruitful service elsewhere. Some of these remarkable people included Alec Arnold, Patrick Wicker, Susan Harrison, Christa Gerber, Dawson McKay, and our son-in-law, Markus Akert.  

One of the greatest difficulties of the past 20 years has been having to say “goodbye” to so many deeply loved individuals and families. My heart has been shattered over and over again. There have been seasons where we’ve enjoyed vibrant children and youth ministries, only to see them dwindle at the end of that season, when kids have grown older, or leaders have moved away. When I was younger, I could scramble to fill the holes. I can’t do that anymore. How do I keep from becoming "jaded?" What do I mean? Probably the greatest risk in a place like this is vision, and a close second is the state of my own heart. It means allowing myself to default to merely being “faithful” and just going through the motions. It means no longer embracing paradox: the paradox of surrendering dreams over and over again, without giving up on those dreams; the paradox of being realistic about “what is” while continuing to “see the unseen.” It is a "realism" that does not take into account God’s promises. All this results in jadedness. Jadedness is the loss of innocence and the sense of wonder we had as children. Last Saturday at our inter-church prayer gathering, Pax, now 7, declared, "I may be small but I have an imagination as big as this building!" These were important issues to address in my own heart going into the sabbatical. I had been in danger of “shades of jade."  

A Soft Re-Entry

Kathleen and I returned to Vancouver on Friday, July 17, and attended church the following Sunday for the first time since departing for sabbatical in early April. We enjoyed a peaceful and joyful reunion with our church family. Indeed, we felt free to just "be there," without having a role at that time and for the rest of the summer. This was such a remarkable gift and testament to the maturity and character of our church!   

  

The following week, I was scheduled to perform my first wedding at St. David of Wales Church, our new VEV home. The story of this wedding began 15 years ago at VEV when a lovely Korean woman, her teen daughter, and six-year old son began attending our church while we were meeting at the old Grace Chinese Mennonite Church on Graveley and Commercial (2000-2003).  They caught my eye immediately and memories stirred in me of my first trip to Korea in 1985. We found out later that the Shin family’s father was a missionary who was constantly taking covert missions into parts of the world that were hostile to the Gospel, and so had to stay “under the radar.”  The teen girl, whose Korean name is 신해원, (Haewan Shin), we came to know as Jessica, or “Jess.” She became great friends with our daughter, Danielle, also a teen at the time.

It's Best Not To Know Some Things... 

Dee and Jess, still great friends, oh, and
Hannah too!

We found out only recently how the Shin family came to our church. Danielle was enjoying her new-found independence as a teenager, and was involved in the high school party scene at various venues around the city. Jessica, who was going through a time of reaction and rebellion against the church was intrigued to find out that Danielle was not only the life of the party, but also a pastor’s daughter. She insisted on her mom taking her to our church to check us out! It resulted in a friendship that continues to this day and she became a part of our crazy VEV youth group.

Eventually, this family also moved on and Jessica went on to be a youth pastor in Surrey. She began speaking to teens on the topic of Sexual Integrity in high schools. We had her speak to our church a few years back, and late last year, we connected again relationally. Early in our sabbatical year, she asked Kathleen and I for mentoring support for a romantic relationship she had formed with a young man, Peter Lillehoj, who was a research professor at Michigan State University. Peter had just recently obtained a 1.8 million US dollar research grant to develop a rapid response diagnosis of malaria, one of the most infectious diseases in the world, through cellphone technology. For more information, read here.

At the end of last year, we were able to meet Peter for the first time and we instantly felt a common bond with him. He was very familiar with the Vineyard, having attended the first Vineyard church in history in Hollywood during his college days. (Just to be clear, he wasn’t there when it started - he’s not old enough for that!) Peter had a humble and disarming demeanor. We enjoyed watching him and Jess together. We felt they were a great match. We were honored when they asked us to consider doing their pre-engagement mentoring. With Peter living in Michigan, and Jess still living in BC, we went through the material from January to March, with the help of google hangouts, except when Peter happened to be in town for a visit. We were able to get the preparation done before our sabbatical, and by then, Peter had proposed to Jessica, and she had accepted.

The Gift of Memory

I was honored, indeed, overjoyed, when they asked me if I would perform the wedding ceremony for them at St. David of Wales Church. Their plan was to have only us with their immediate family present along with a professional videographer who would document the ceremony, and edit it into a presentation that could be shown at several wedding receptions they would host in different parts of the country and world - including one here in the Lower Mainland, then the eastern USA, Southern California, and Korea. The date we had planned for was July 23, just a few days into our “soft re-entry” from sabbatical. This took a lot of our first week back. It involved a wedding rehearsal followed by a dinner, meeting family, and practical preparations, followed by the reception in Langley. Nevertheless, it was the perfect re-entry for me. We enjoyed meeting Jessica’s parents again, 신문철 과 오예리 (Moonchal and Yeiri), with whom we had spent a wonderful evening in Seoul in April.  We also enjoyed meeting Peter’s wonderful parents. His mom, 현순 (Hyun Soon) Lillehoj, is a world renowned researcher in poultry immunization. She had just received a lifetime achievement award from President Obama for her work. You can find more about that here.

It was a remarkable first week back and the wedding was breathtakingly beautiful. Perhaps the most moving moment for me, next to watching Jess being brought in by her parents, was watching Peter declare his vows to Jessica with tears flowing down his cheeks. Not far behind was meeting Jess's Korean grandma and seeing the delight on her face when I introduced myself to her in Korean.  

Experiencing this event was like looking back through a telescope and seeing afresh the wonderful memories of how God has been faithful through the years – through the ups and downs, the tides that had come in and had receded, from the end of one season to the beginning of a new one; all being woven into a story that isn't finished yet; all an antidote for “shades of jade.”

  

ok, probably against my better judgment, I have added this photo but it was Jess and Peter's FB post with the photo that meant so much to us and another cure for any residual "shades of jade." 

From Jess and Peter: "To our most wonderful wedding officiants, marriage mentors, spiritual umma & appa and the actual parents to one of my most oldest and closest friends: thank you for being the source of Light, Love and Learning you have been and continue to be for us! We honor you. 사랑해요 oxx — withKathleen Lagore and Gordie Lagore."

Sabbatical 15: Milestones and Reunions (June 22-July 17)

(Note - I got detoured by Advent and Christmas but I am now resuming reflections from our pastoral sabbatical last year, April-August, 2015).  

It was late June and Kathleen and I were well into our third month of sabbatical with only a few weeks remaining before we would begin “re-entry” back into our church community. I was beginning to feel some anxiety. I wrote our leadership team a note, giving them an update on the sabbatical journey to date and expressed my need for a “soft re-entry.” I had been taught in my days at Regent College that pastors need to learn to “join their churches,” if they want to lead them well. What this means is that pastors need seasons where they can simply be part of the community, connecting relationally, without leading anything. The VEV leadership team graciously agreed that this was fitting and right for the remaining summer months, and so, with peace of mind, Kathleen and I headed out on our last road trip of the sabbatical.

In the heart of Roger's Pass, June 23

I was greatly anticipating the drive through the Rocky Mountains, something I have always loved to do, but hadn’t done so for a long time. We departed from Vancouver on June 22. As we drove through majestic mountain ranges, we began to catch up on all the podcasts of the services we had missed since the beginning of the sabbatical in early April. I was so impressed by how integrated and seamless the teaching series progressed as teachers and congregation worked their way through the “Good and Beautiful…” material by James Smith. I was now in a place I could enjoy listening. Together, Kathleen and I enjoyed Joanna’s introduction to the series followed by Dean, Carl, Jessica, Sandra, Alec, Andy, Jamie, Dawn, and Darla’s teaching. We both thought that the intergenerational sermons by Joanna and Dawn were particularly outstanding. In addition, we could just imagine the amazing faithful teams of volunteers offering themselves in support week after week to keep our church healthy and thriving – all such an important part of making our sabbatical possible.

The weather was perfect as we enjoyed our drive through the spectacular Roger’s Pass. My parents were celebrating their 60^th anniversary that week, so when we arrived in Calgary, we drove straight to their place in the deep southeast and stayed with them for the first few days. We took advantage of this time to savour and enjoy the treasure they are to us.

Our granddaughter, Annalies, playing the violin for  her great
grandparents at their 60th anniversary party, June 28.

Kathleen and I enjoyed many wonderful walks and talks, while we looked over the Bow River and Valley from Cranston Ridge, with the backdrop of the Rockies lining the horizon where prairie meets the sky. Together, my sister, brother and I had planned a family celebration with four generations of our immediate families in attendance. The celebration was held on a very warm Sunday evening, June 28, hosted in the back yard of my sister’s place in Lake Bonavista. One after another, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gave tribute through toasts, songs, poems, stories – some of them hilarious of course. Everyone, including myself, gave tribute to the heritage that my mom and dad had given them. It is a heritage that included unconditional love that was sacrificial, self-giving service, hospitable, generous, all backed by a witness of prayer and godly examples. All of us could testify to the power of my parents prayers. There was so much joy that we all shared that day. We took lots of photos to preserve memories we will cherish forever.

After my parents’ anniversary celebration, we packed up and moved to the northwest of the city to stay with our daughter Danielle and family for a few days, days that were packed with delight and wonder. Highlights were taking Samuel (11) and Annalies (9) to Jurassic World – what an adrenaline rush! Then, we shared an early birthday celebration for Samuel. Dee and I took a posse of Samuel with his friends and siblings to a trampoline park. For much of the time, I entertained Hannah (4 at the time) while the older kids were engaged in their activities. Hannah is extremely athletic so I jumped with her for two hours on all kinds of trampolines, and got stuck in the foam ball pit! I think I was the oldest guy in the place. I paid for it all later with aching muscles and joints for five days. Hey, it was worth it!

Before we headed back to BC, we had one more wonderful family reunion, this time with Kathleen’s side of the family on Canada Day. Then we headed to Osoyoos for another two weeks – the first one of prayer and quiet, the second one with our kids and grandkids who joined us before we returned to Vancouver.

On our way to Osoyoos, we listened to more VEV podcasts. One podcast highlight (and there were many) occurred while we were driving through Peachland. As we drove alongside spectacular Okanagan Lake, memories flooded my mind of the significant healing that had occurred for me in this very place 27 years ago. At that time, I was in rehabilitation from a severe nervous breakdown which I had suffered in Calgary in 1988. Subsequently, I had spent nearly a year in the area we were now driving through. (This was when we met David Ruis and had our first introduction to the Vineyard.) Right at that moment, we were listening to Jessica’s Mother’s Day message and she was reading the Scripture, “This is love, not that we loved him but that he loved us…” (1 John 4:10). I wept as I drove, mindful that these were the exact words that God had spoken to me in my devastation and brokenness 27 years ago, giving me hope that he was restoring me to life again. We were then literally driving right by our formerly rented lakeside summer house near Peachland when this occurred. It was so tender. It was like I heard God say, “See, I was with you there. I’m with you now, too.”  

After several attempts at a group selfie, we
finally asked for help!

We then enjoyed our wonderful two weeks at Spirit Ridge in Osoyoos, a place on First Nations land that has become so special to us and our family. During one of our days there, I recorded these words in my journal. Ah such beautiful days… the weather has been superb. I look out from my deck and see the lake like glass reflecting the trees on the shoreline, with the town and semi-arid mountains rising beyond against the blue sky mixed with the haze of mid-summer and perhaps a slight residue of smoke from the burning forests in the province. It’s been a long hot dry summer. The smoke seems better today. Jesus, what can I say? Thank you. Father, what can I say? Thank you. Holy Spirit, what can I say? Thank you. I am looking forward to returning to work, which is a very good sign.

The night of our return to Vancouver,
July 17

Finally, we completed the trek home through Princeton and Hope, arriving back in Vancouver on Friday, July 17. All was peaceful. It was time to begin re-entry. We arrived to the most spectacular sunset we had seen all summer. As Kathleen and I gazed in wonder together from our bedroom deck, I heard Jesus say, “Welcome home.” 

An Artist, Not a Magician

This past Sunday, we began our New Year’s teaching series on the Book of Genesis, specifically looking at the creation story in the first chapter. As we worked through the text, I was intrigued that the heavens and earth that God created were described in verse 2 as “formless and empty.” Why would an all-powerful God create a “chaotic mess?”

Over the weekend, this phrase kept coming into my mind: “God is an Artist, not a Magician.” Think of this: He could have easily waved his hand and created the heavens and earth, plants, animals and people into existence in an instant. However, it seems that he first made a form of divine “modelling clay,” because he wanted his creation to be a work of art, not a magical show. To use the scientific term, He first made “matter,” the substance out of which he formed earth, water, and sky. 

According to geology, he took his time, skillfully forming the heavens, earth, and oceans, and then filling them with stars, and trees, animals, and sea life, saving his most skillful work for his highest creation: humanity.  The exclamations of “this is good” throughout Genesis 1 indicate that God was having a good time. He found a great amount of enjoyment in applying himself to his artwork of creation. Indeed, perhaps to underline the point, the literature “genre,” of Genesis 1 is poetic – an artistic description of the creation story, told with symmetry and beauty.  

This past Sunday, Kathleen and I had prepared for an intergenerational service but with January 1^st falling on Friday, it made for a long weekend and Sunday was also the last day of the Christmas break. So, a lot of folks were still away, and we had two children instead of our usual crowd. It was the kind of Sunday where I used to feel like resigning after it was over, but I've learned how that kind of shallowness causes me to miss the special surprises that God loves to do.  

This dolphin was a hit. Way to go, Christine!

Our daughter, Dee, and her husband, Markus, who had already returned to Calgary, had donated some modelling clay to VEV prior to their departure. We planned on using this for a craft activity for the children during the teaching. With so many children away, Kathleen quickly adjusted her plan. In addition to including our two children present, Saoirse and Amy, she invited adults to practice their creativity on the modelling clay during the half hour that I preached on the Creation story. The images you see came from the creativity of children and adults during those few moments. Enjoy!

What are the implications of God being an Artist, not a Magician? It means that God is active and engaged in our lives, but he does not operate like a candy machine, or reduce himself to formulas, easy fixes, and pat answers as we walk in relationship with him. He wants to meet all our needs, but he will not be controlled and manipulated. Art is relational  Magic is utilitarian and manipulative.

We see this in the life of Jesus. The nature of his temptation in the wilderness was to practice magic.  The devil’s rasping voice hissed at him, “If you’re the Son of God, jump down from the temple! Turn this stone into bread. Impress people! Dazzle them!” Not only is our culture addicted to this approach, it is a constant temptation for those in Christian ministry too. While Jesus had the power to do these things, he refused to relate to his Father as a source of magical power. He also refused to allow people to relate to him that way. Note the variety of ways that he engaged people and responded to their needs. He made mud out of spit and dirt and applied it to a blind man’s eyes. He touched the leper when no one else would. He bantered in conversation with a Gentile woman about “dogs getting the crumbs.” He told a quadriplegic that his biggest need was forgiveness, and then healed him. With a pressing deadline, He stopped in the middle of a large crowd for a woman who reached out in faith to touch the fringe of his robe. He refused to simply be "used," and to move on until he had interacted with her relationally. He told Nathanael that he saw him under the fig tree. He told Peter the fisherman that he would be a “fisher of people.”

Jesus does not approach us with “one-size-fits-all” solutions because as humans created in the image of God, each of us are unique and he accords us that respect because he wants a relationship with us. He does not see us as a source of income that he cane "use," or as a means to further his agenda. He sees us as cherished, loved and as "works of art,” created in his own image.

It also tells us of the value of beauty. In the creation narrative, when God “saw that it was good,” the word includes a sense of beauty. He invites us as humans, created in his image, to create with him and to live our lives as art, and to make the world a more beautiful place. We do so by simply giving back to him what he has given us - nothing more or less. 

If you’re reading this, and you happen to be a magician by trade or hobby, my apologies if I have offended you, but all is not lost. Some magic can be redeemed if it is approached as art and has not bought into manipulation of power or people. Sleight of hand that is “faster than the eye” can provide healthy entertainment value and joy to a party, and as such, can be an art in its own rite. 

Anyway, enjoy the pics and "catch up" on the first sermon in the series by doing so if you missed it. Some of the work was so detailed, I’m not sure the “artists” heard the sermon, but they got the point! Last but not least, it seems God was also having fun and sent a sign. This giant eagle was perched on the cross during the sermon and watched over us as we departed. 

The Universe - Friendly or Hostile?

(Note - this New Year's reflection is drawn from our Christmas Eve theme along with some images of that wonderful night at VEV. Warning: "shameless grandparents advisory.") 

The Nativity provides the answer to one question for which the great scientist, Albert Einstein, could never find the answer. Obviously overcome by the sheer magnitude and vast reaches of the universe, he asked, “Is the universe friendly?” Left all to ourselves, he saw the universe as a frightening, lonely, and even cruel place.

If we were to hear news of extraterrestrial life coming to planet earth, our first questions would be, “Are they hostile or friendly?”  “Are their intentions for us for good or for harm?” The Nativity tells the Story of one time that planet earth was indeed visited by an "extraterrestrial," an outsider - the Creator himself! Was it a friendly visit?

The Creator knows our tendency to fear what we do not know or understand. Fear assumes that whatever is different than us – not known or understood – must be hostile. Like in the TV series, “Lost,” fear creates “the others,” even if just in our own minds. Fear creates violence, in attitude, word, and deed.  It labels people, marginalizes them, and engenders a sense of “us and them.”

The Creator chose to come to us in a way that would dissolve our fears and replace them with love. Our kids at VEV love to sing the Celtic carol, “Love Came Down at Christmas,” and indeed, that is what happened. The Creator came down to us in the form of Love - in the most disarming, non-threatening way imaginable. Love came in vulnerability. Love came as a helpless baby, dependent on the body of his teenage mother. Thirty-three years later, Love died the same way he was born – weak, vulnerable, surrounded by scandal and misunderstanding, even though he could have chosen otherwise. Even in the face of hostility and violence, he refused to become defensive, intimidating or threatening in any way. He wanted us to know that love is the most powerful force in the universe and that we don’t need to curse the darkness – we only need to turn the light on.  

The Parable of Smudge

Whenever our neighbours go away on a holiday, they ask me to take care of their cat, “Smudge.” Their main concern is that I feed her daily and give her a friendly pet. Smudge, even though an animal, needs love. The whole universe is made for love. When that does not occur, things go wrong. That helps us answer Einstein’s question and also the question, “If the universe is friendly, why does it seem so messed up?”  

Smudge has some issues. Before our neighbours adopted Smudge, she must have experienced some trauma. Somehow, she didn’t receive the love and affection she was created for. When I pet Smudge, she seems fine for a few minutes, purring nicely, then all of a sudden she will exhibit hostility and even attack my hand. This is what fear does. Fear assumes that that friendly hand that has only good intentions for you is hostile. I have to persist gently (with some risk!) to reach out to her, in the confidence that love will overcome her fear. Slowly things are getting better, and so are my scratch marks! 

Perfect love casts out all fear. Love assumes that, because the Creator is friendly, the universe is friendly and chooses not to fear. This does not mean that love is naïve, or that love is without risk and doesn’t require discernment. Neither does it mean that love is without cost. Jesus said, “I send you out as sheep among wolves.” Nevertheless, he still sends us. In spite of the risks, love still goes where it is sent. Love still reaches out.

As we learned in our recent “Art of Neighbouring” series, major cities across North America have discovered that the most effective way to address urban social problems like drugs, crime, prostitution, and gangs was for people to be good neighbours to one another. Yup, just do what Jesus said…and love your neighbour, whether that neighbour is Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Asian, African, Hispanic, First Nations, European, young, old, gay, straight - and this will accomplish more than all the government money can come up with. 

Fear is Not An Option

2015 was a year where the temptations to fear and create more divisions and barriers were rampant. Propaganda and paranoia based on half-truths seemed to rule the media including social media – whether it was over all the terrorist attacks, a new government, the Syrian refugees, the financial and housing markets, or the recent minor earthquake we had. As we head into 2016, the temptation to fear will always be lurking, and indeed, I'm sure new threats will emerge. Yet, for disciples of Jesus, fear is not an option. Have you ever noticed how often "don't be afraid" is mentioned in the birth narratives - to Zechariah, to Mary, to the shepherds...? This is not by chance. Fear is the root cause of our toxic relating. As has often said, the command to “not fear” is the most frequent command in all of Scripture. In fact, we are told this 365 times, one for every day of the year.

Friends, when we are confronted by the sheer terror and intimidation of the dark side, turn on the light. Choose the way of love. Light is greater than darkness. Love is greater than hate. Perfect love casts out all fear. Love is the greatest power in the universe. In fact, Love has a name: Jesus. Immanuel – God With Us - not just at Christmas, but every day of the year. 

Have a happy and blessed New Year!

Sabbatical 14: I Heard Jesus Whisper

Over two months of my sabbatical had passed (now mid-June) and I was enjoying 28 days of just being at home in Vancouver with not a drop of rain! My days continued to be filled with lots of reading, prayer, exercise, reflecting, and doing odd jobs around the house. Near the end of this period, I celebrated my 58^th birthday. How does an introvert celebrate his birthday on sabbatical? (No introvert jokes please.) Being an introvert, I replenished by being alone and being on sabbatical amplified my sense of wanting to be quiet. However, birthdays are also about relationships, so I felt torn. The day started quietly enough. Then, text and voice messages started pouring in, even from around the globe. I received touching messages from my kids and grandkids, parents, and friends. I even got a voice message singing “Happy Birthday” from our “angel of Seoul,” Kyung Jin, in Korea! Earlier in the week, Kathleen and I were treated to a lovely supper by my friend and former assistant pastor Alec (Arnold), and his wife Crystal and family, just before their move to St. Louis for Alec to pursue his Ph.D. That same week, we were also hosted to a wonderful luncheon and relational catchup with our friends and interim pastor, Joanna, and her husband, Wade.  Last but not least, our dear “Oma Nim,” Korean mama, Kwonju (Esther), who attends VEV so faithfully every Sunday, shared a delicious Korea Town lunch with us. I didn’t do too badly that week relationally, for an introvert!

However, on my actual birthday, I was given one of the most remarkable gifts I could have ever received. For special occasions like birthdays, I love to go the Cactus Club at English Bay, and on the rare occasion that I do, I have to make a reservation for the dining room. This time, I also wanted to watch a Stanley Cup Final game that was showing that night. The only way that Kathleen and I could view the game at the Cactus Club was to sit in the beach level pub area. I was told by phone that they don’t take reservations for that area, so there would be a long line-up to get in. We decided to try anyway. Sure enough, when we arrived, it was packed. Long lines extended outside and down the beach. We were told it would be a minimum half-hour wait and even then, we were not guaranteed a view of the game. Still, we made our way to the back of the long lineup. 

A BIRTHDAY MIRACLE GIFT

Then, the miracle started. As we made our way to get in line, Kathleen recognized an East Indian family from a Hindu background that we had prayed for over a year before. At that time, through a connection with Crystal Arnold’s mom, I had first been asked to come and pray for one of their teenage girls. She was in the psyche ward due to being tormented by evil spirits in the night. I first went to visit her at Royal Columbian Hospital in New Westminster. Through our conversation, I found out that we had the same birthday (if not the same year)! Not only so, we found out that we shared a mutual love for celebrating our birthdays at the Cactus Club at English Bay! We had a good connection and she allowed me to pray for her. I visited her a second time, and this time Kathleen joined me, and we both enjoyed a profound connection with her.

A short time later, we were called by her mother who was again requesting prayer. Her daughter had since been discharged from the hospital, so this time, Kathleen and I went together to pray with her and her family in their home. When we arrived, the whole family had gathered, including her father, mother, sisters, and one aunt. Well, the Holy Spirit began to move as we prayed, and Kathleen got several words of knowledge and prophecy. I noticed the surprise on their faces several times as words were given. One of them literally exclaimed, “How did you know that?!” The Lord had shown up and was graciously showing his love and care for this precious family.

After our prayer time, they invited us to stay for a cup of tea. Foolishly, we declined as we were under time constraints. Later, I deeply regretted this because I didn’t hear from them for over a year and wondered if we had offended them. Now, here they were once again at the Cactus Club and they seemed so excited to see us! Sure enough, they were celebrating their daughter’s birthday, and she looked radiant. To our amazement, we found that she was much better, and that both she and her mother had since become followers of Jesus! They had both been baptized in water, and were now attending a Christian church! We were overwhelmed. 

The mother then particularly expressed her profound gratitude to us that we were willing to go all the way out to the Royal Columbian hospital to pray with her daughter whom we didn’t know, and as a result, her daughter had felt so loved by us. At that moment, I felt this warm blanket of affection from Jesus being wrapped around me, thanking us for being willing and available to him so that he could work in this family whom he loved so much.

Well, even though we had just arrived at the Cactus Club, I could have gone home right then. It would have been enough of a birthday gift. However, after a wonderful visit with this family, Kathleen and I then headed outside to the back of the lineup down the beach. We had only been there five minutes when a lovely waitress came right up to us and invited us to follow her past many people who were lined up in front of us. (I can only surmise that they preferred outdoor seating on the pub patio.) She led us to a table with a front row view of the big screen TV where we could enjoy our meal and watch the hockey game. To our left at eye level was a breathtaking view of English Bay and the setting sun over the mountains of Vancouver Island. During our meal, the family we had met earlier came back to see us and thank us one more time. After they left, and Kathleen and I sought to absorb all that had just happened and to savour it along with the remarkable setting we were in. It was then that I was sure that I heard Jesus whisper, "Happy birthday, Gordie!" 

Sabbatical 13: Turning Points (May 24-June 14)

A Historical Watershed

During the 28 days of just being "at home" in Vancouver (May/June), Kathleen and I were delightfully surprised to find that the three year-long Truth and Reconciliation Process (TRC) in Canada had finally come to completion. I well remember that Tuesday morning, May 26th. We both wept as we listened to the national broadcast of Justice Murray Sinclair’s summary report on seven generations of stolen children through Canada’s Indian residential school system. The TRC findings entailed the telling of 6750 stories of unimaginable heartache, separation, and abuse - some of which Kathleen and I had heard live when some TRC events were held in Vancouver several years ago. Many of you will remember that VEV cancelled a service at that time in order to join the Vancouver TRC march of 70,000 strong in September of 2013. In the pouring rain, we were all so moved by that powerful message by Bernice King, the daughter of the late Dr. Martin Luther King.

St. Andrews Wesley United - the
interchurch TRC service was held May 31

Now on our sabbatical, I decided to attend a special TRC worship service the following weekend (May 31), being hosted at St. Andrews Wesley Church on Burrard Street. This was a cooperative effort between St. Andrews Wesley Church (United), Christ Church Cathedral (Anglican), Central Presbyterian, and First Baptist. I was deeply touched by the display of love and unity of the churches and their inclusion of First Nations. I invited Frances Carlick, a residential school survivor and part of VEV to also attend. She, too, was deeply moved by the service. When I walked in, I was warmly greeted and I was struck by the beauty of the architecture and the massive stained glass windows. I felt like I was back in Europe. Most importantly, I loved the liturgy which involved extensive use of Scripture seamlessly integrated with First Nations songs and prayers. I was touched by the willingness to address sin and our need for repentance in the readings. I was also touched by how tastefully they integrated First Nations people, their prayers, and their songs. The Kids Blessing involved a highly skillful five minute storytime recalling the narrative of the residential school saga in Canada. For the teaching time, a First Nations leader and lawyer from Vancouver Island spoke eloquently for 20 minutes about the road to reconciliation. I followed up my time there by writing an appreciation letter of thanks and received a very warm response back from the pastor at St. Andrews.What an experience! 

Close Call for Big Dave

But then, at the end of the next week, the first week of June, my Sabbath peace was shattered by a text from Gordie Guiboche stating that Big Dave had suffered full kidney failure and a doctor had given him a day or two to live. Big Dave has been a part of our church for years and carries a huge heart for the marginalized in our city. As I waited for news and updates, I prayed and mentally prepared for the prospect that my sabbatical, which had been so wonderful up to that point, might be ending prematurely. In preparing for the sabbatical months before, this was a "worst case scenario" that I and the planning team had hoped and prayed would not occur. However, as I prayed, I sensed “resurrection” in my spirit and, along with many of you, prayed for God’s intervention. Mercifully it happened!

A card full of love and best
wishes from VEV
in Big Dave's hospital room

That Sunday morning, a day later, June 6, I was able to take some wine and some of Kim’s incomparable banana bread and go and serve communion to Big Dave and pray for him in his hospital room at VGH – right at the same time that church was in progress at VEV. What a joy to walk into that room and see and hear Lynne singing songs of worship with Gordie G. I joined in, prayed with Dave, read Scriptures and shared communion. We had church there. Dave couldn’t talk at that point but I could sense his receptivity and living faith. It didn’t occur to me until later that our church would have also been having communion at the same time. This was totally unplanned. Yet, it felt like all the love and mercy that was flowing from our church towards Dave had formed a fertile womb for a miracle. I also felt it was a turning point, and indeed, it was. What a joy to see that through the modern marvel of dialysis combined with lots of prayer, Dave is back in our community today! Thank you, Lord! 

Another Turning Point

Exactly a week later to the day, I was back in an ICU unit again. This time, it was due to Caili Naumann, one of our VEV teens, who was suffering the effects of toxic shock syndrome. I was only able to see her briefly but was able to have a tender time of prayer with her dad and mom, Dean and Rose, and we hugged. Again, God intervened and showed us his immense mercy, reminding us once more of how dependent we are on that mercy each day, and how grateful we are for Caili, who has grown up in our church and continues to be such a beautiful gift to us. Again, love and prayers produced a turning point, and she is well today.Thank you, Lord! 

Remarkably, in spite of these crises that occurred in our church family in June, I never felt like I had to stop being on sabbatical, even though I was preparing for that possibility. This alone was a miracle. I believe that this is a testimony to God’s gracious intervention, but also a testimony to the maturity and health of our wonderful VEV community who surrounded Dave and Caili and their loved ones with such immense love, prayer, and care. As we had seen love create a miraculous turning point in our country through truth and reconciliation, it also created miraculous turning points in our own church family. This is who we are. During these crises, I did not feel pressure from our leadership team or community to fulfill any pastoral role, but was lovingly included in these circumstances as a member of the family. Something about this touched a deep cord within me. When I returned from sabbatical, I realized that I wanted this sense to continue and increase. First and foremost, I am a member of the VEV family, who just happens to be serving as pastor during this season. In many ways, this renewed sense of profound belonging irrespective of my gift or role has been a significant turning point for me, and one of the greatest gifts this sabbatical has given me. 

Sabbatical 12: "Flattened" by Insights

Reflecting back on the first three months of sabbatical, I see it now like a surgical procedure in three phases: The initial phase was our first month in Asia, which was pre-op anesthesia in preparation for surgery. My two weeks in Osoyoos was like open heart surgery where God did a deep work as described in previous blogs. The third phase was after my return from Osoyoos where I had 28 days of just being home in Vancouver. This period was like post-op recovery!

Those 28 days were amazing days. They started quietly enough, but they didn’t stay that way. The sun shone every day. The early summer mornings were intoxicatingly beautiful. I usually got up between 5 and 6am and then went out on our back deck every morning for devotional time and enjoyed listening to the chickadees and other west coast songbirds. Sometimes the birds were joined by the chanting of my Buddhist neighbour as she added some rhythm with her exercise machine! As the sun greeted the morning, I would journal, soak in the Scriptures, then go for a prayer walk, or run to Trout Lake and back – about 4 or 5 kms.   Spiritually, I was in post-op recovery, but physically, I felt wonderful. All the insomnia I suffered from pre-sabbatical was gone. My body and mind felt at rest, and I slept at night like a baby. 

In addition to Scripture, I read voraciously, continuing to read Julian of Norwich and would often get “flattened” by her surprising and startling insights. For example, when she was contemplating the suffering of Christ on the Cross, she wrote: “The joy and bliss that Jesus had in winning our salvation far surpassed all the suffering that he suffered, and he wants us to experience his joy and delight. He so desires our joy, endless bliss, and honor, how could he ever withhold from us anything that is pleasing to him that we ask for?” BAM! I was surprised and humbled by this insight. Another concept she introduced was the “courtesy of God” towards us. I had never heard that term used with regards to God’s heart for us. It disarmed me and opened me up to new levels of intimacy. He is courteous which means he is kind, gentle and respectful of us and will never violate us. Wow!

I also spent many hours reading books on spirituality such as Heart of the World (Urs von Balthazzar), The Naked Now, (Richard Rohr), and more novels on Korea. I read another book of a North Korean escapee, an upper class citizen who was imprisoned with his family, called the Aquariums of Pyongyang. Plus, I read The Year of Impossible Goodbyes, a story written for middle-school aged children, describing what life was like under Japanese colonization. I also read more Chaim Potek novels. I began to resume vocational reading related to being a pastor and church, with my first book called “The New Parish,” a beautiful book written by three pastors who live in the Pacific Northwest, just south of the border. This book was about their journey to integrate spirituality with ecclesiology. (Ecclesiology is just a fancy word for “how we do church.”) Yum! This is where I came across the remarkable story of the lobster which I’ve referred to often since I’ve come back from my sabbatical.

I took my afternoons, just to be home, to enjoy where I live, my neighbourhood. When Kathleen came home from tutoring, we had lots of wonderful walks and talks, meeting neighbours, connecting with our Chinese friends at Templeton Pool. We also enjoying Serge, our wonderful and delightful waiter, at our weekly breakfast date at the Roundel Cafe.  Few waiters have ever given us so much joy, and he is such a gift to us.

I embarked on a very special project. At the Spirit Ridge First Nations Cultural Centre, I found some beautiful cards with First Nations art by a Vancouver artist, in which I began to write thank you notes to the parents of our homestay students who had been so generous to us in Korea. Saying thank you was easy. Practicing my Korean (Hangul) was not so easy! Nevertheless, the delighted response I received back from them after they received made the effort more than worth it! Here is a sample of a card, as well as my Korean handwriting on one envelope to Jini's family, You can only imagine what the text looked like. I wrote an interlinear translation in English in case I got it badly wrong - a slight chance that might happen! 

Finally, I began house and yard cleaning projects. Methodically I worked my way through the house, cleaning windows, walls, Venetian blinds, finding places where dust had gathered that I didn’t know even existed! As I worked my way through this four week project, all kinds of thoughts went through my mind: “I’m going to have to do this all over again next year.” “No one will ever notice that I did this, but they will notice it if I don’t do it!” and so on. You have lots of time to think when you’re cleaning. Then I thought of the phrase from Ecclesiastes – “Meaningless! All is meaningless!” However, it was truly therapeutic to feel that after I had started something, I actually got something done. This experience can be quite elusive when you’re a pastor, and brought fresh meaning to the ordinary. 

Sabbatical 11

BUCKETS FULL OF HOLES

Ten years ago when we took our last pastoral sabbatical at VEV, three of those weeks were spent in a mountain cabin built above the tree line in the high Alps of Switzerland, all thanks to the generosity of our son-in-law’s family. It was a remarkable three weeks which constituted the heart of the sabbatical in 2004.

On our recent sabbatical, the ten days I spent at Spirit Ridge in Osoyoos felt similar. In my last blog, I wrote much on my time there, and before I move on, I want to ruminate a little more on that time which was so significant.
In my readings, I was struck by how small, seemingly insignificant but tight-knit Christian communities in medieval Europe had such a profound impact on their surrounding culture, resulting in immense historical significance. They were not megachurches so they were easily dismissed by the mainstream culture. Yet, they contained faithful people who were willing to slow down and pay attention to God together in the midst of some of the most turbulent times imaginable which included the black plague, political unrest, and natural disasters. It was so encouraging to the vision I carry in my heart for VEV, to be part of such a community that is attentive to God and is faithfully extending his radical embrace to one another, to our city, and to our world.

At Spirit Ridge, I spent much of my time immersed in the writings of Lady Julian of Norwich, a 14th century anchoress at a medieval church in Norwich, England. An “anchoress” is someone who lives at the church, usually in a little room attached to the building, and serves the church in practical matters such as getting the Eucharist prepared, warming up the building for worship in the mornings, and the everlasting ministry of... cleaning!   Most importantly, she served the church in prayer and solitude.

A Download from Heaven
At the age of 30, Julian received a “download” from heaven that the greatest theological doctors of the church are still trying to unpack to this day. Nevertheless, Julian’s writings have brought infinite blessing to millions of people around the world through the centuries. They came about through a prayer she prayed followed by a life threatening illness she suffered. Her prayer had three requests: 1. That she would have a vision of Christ’s suffering and passion; 2. That she would have the full experience, physically and spiritually, of dying without actually dying; 3. That she would experience three “wounds,” (as she called them), namely, contrition, compassion, and longing for God. She suffered a bodily illness for three days and nights that was so severe that she was administered “last rites.” Nevertheless, God intervened and she recovered, and all three of her prayers were answered. She received a series of heavenly “showings” that are recorded in her book, Revelations of Divine Love, in which I soaked during the heart of this sabbatical. Julian’s book was likely the first English language book ever written by a woman.

Julian wrote that she had come out of that experience with only one compelling reason to go on living – “So I can love God better and longer, and living so, love and know God more as he is in the bliss of heaven." She was the first writer I’ve ever read who, while contemplating the passion of Christ, actually felt compassion for Jesus. So many write about the compassion of Jesus for us on the cross, but she wrote on the compassion she felt for Jesus as he suffered. I wrote in my journal, “It takes a woman to have this insight.” I recalled the prominence of women with Jesus in the Gospels, particularly, at his crucifixion. It was the women who stayed with him. It was the women who helped him when all the men had run away in fear. It was the presence and witness of women that helped Jesus complete his mission, and add to his courage to give his last drop of blood. I easily visualized Julian as being one of the many women who, though powerless to rescue Jesus physically, would have simply stayed present to him. I visualized many of the women in my life who have been the same to me – Kathleen, my mom, my daughter, my sister, and so many of my beautiful sisters and friends that I’m surrounded by here in our VEV community. Perhaps it was in honor of this that Jesus commissioned a woman to be the first witness to his resurrection. Mary Magdalene became an “apostle to the apostles,” and the men were invited to first accept the truth of his resurrection through the witness of a woman.

One of the “showings” that Julian received was that of the hazelnut, to which we referred much in our three evenings of contemplative prayer last week. She saw a tiny “ball” in her hand, the size of a hazelnut. God showed her that this was how the created universe was in his hand. “He made it; He loves it; He preserves it. Everything was made for love, and everything is preserved by love.” To this day, I continue to be overwhelmed by this. Last week, we included hazelnuts with this reading as part of our evenings of contemplative prayer to extend a Sabbath blessing to each of you. He made you; He loves you; this Love preserves and sustains you.

God as Father and Mother
Last but not least, Julian’s legacy was a significant contribution to theology from a feminine perspective. Obviously, there were many outstanding female theologians who preceded her as far back as Priscilla in the New Testament, but their voices were often muted. We have access to Julian’s writings, and in them, we find, as John Leclercq writes, “the feminine’s characteristic genius in its intuitional approach to reality.”

One of Julian's greatest insights was of God as Mother, as well as Father. She also wrote extensively of Jesus as Mother. This has been controversial in the church, or at the very least, strange to our ears. One reason is the fear of associating the worship of YHWH with the worship of the goddess that stretches back to Old Testament times. However, I suspect there is a greater fear. Since the fall, there has been a perennial fear in men of women. There has been a fear of the image of God in women, reflected in their wisdom, intuition, and wisdom. As Adam, men have continued to blame women for humanity’s sinfulness. They fear that to give women too much freedom will extend their misery. This manifests itself in control, violence, and the oppression of women through the perennial patriarchy that has lingered, not to mention sexual objectification and exploitation. Let’s face it. Sin has caused a deep painful division between the sexes. It is manifested so much in our world today. Patriarchy has suppressed and silenced the voice and role of women in the church and society, who, alongside men, in a loving partnership of co-leadership in Creation, were intended to reflect the image of God.

As a result of this oppression, the damage to church and society is beyond comprehension. It has deeply limited our view of God and our capacity to connect with him. Consider the alarming number of Christian men trapped in pornography. The Barna research group reported last year that over 65 percent of Christian men look at pornography weekly and almost 80 percent monthly. Churches and ministries have made many efforts to address it including implementing accountability partners, 12-step groups, spiritual disciplines, and  “porn-blocking” software. There isn’t anything wrong with these things but it hasn’t stemmed the tide. What’s missing?

Does Julian give us a clue? To be clear, Julian never advocated substituting God as Father for God as Mother. Rather, she sought to integrate the two. So, if God is also our Mother, have we cut ourselves off from the comfort and grace available to us because we have suppressed the feminine? Is the immense demand for porn and prostitution in our culture a misplaced cry for the comfort and security that can only be found in God our Father and Mother? Have we cut ourselves off from God, as men, because of the fear of the feminine – in our sisters? In God? In ourselves?

Last week, I wrote about significant battles I was facing against giants of anxiety during my weeks of solitude. Fear is a terrible spirit that is manifesting itself so much in our world today. Fear is the root of all violence. Love leads to peace, even though the road is fraught with risks and sacrifice. Perfect love casts out all fear. As I soaked in Julian’s revelations of divine love, the anxiety I was suffering began to dissipate and I began to be immersed in love, returning to rest. To use an analogy I heard recently at my Soulstreams intensive, I initially felt like a bucket full of holes trying to contain water. The holes were all my sins, failures, shortcomings, fears and insecurities. To try to tend to all the holes and mend them was overwhelming and self-absorbing. As I continued to be immersed in God's love, rather than trying to plug all the holes, I felt I was being immersed in an ocean of God’s love. As this occurred, all the holes became irrelevent. Even more, I saw that God uses these holes as conduits of his love, flowing in and out of me. Yes, we are buckets full of holes, but we are being immersed in the ocean of God's love.

Sabbatical 10

Solitude, Silence, and Snakes, in the Desert (May 4-22).
After four weeks in Asia, Kathleen and I were back home in Vancouver. It took us a week to recover from jet lag which for me was not helped by a cold I had caught on the way back. During that week, I read the beautiful Korean novel, Please Look After Mom, by Kyung-Sook Shin, which was on the Chapter’s bestseller list last spring. It is a hauntingly beautiful tale of an elderly woman who goes missing on a Seoul subway station and the journey of her daughter, sister, and father in their attempts to find her. Each of them reflect back on her life. The novel is written from a “second person” point of view - a unique but effective way to tell a story. It spoke to me of the generational angst of our time, as culture and tradition clash with new realities in the modern world, as well as the care of aging parents. It reminded me of my own fragility and made me mindful of my own parents, now in their 80’s. It greatly increased my anticipation of the priceless opportunity to spend some time with them in Calgary as part of the sabbatical in June.

I was struck by the stillness and the silence I felt when we came home. I felt so protected. I felt I was able to rest. For the first time in years, I noticed that I had experienced little or no insomnia for over a month. I again was overwhelmed with such gratitude to VEV and all who had helped make this rest possible.

During our first week back, I checked in with my spiritual director, Jeff Imbach, who generously offered me a Sabbath gift of free spiritual direction to prepare me for a two-week retreat I had planned in Osoyoos May 8-22. As always, he was so helpful, but he expressed concerns about me being alone so long (two full weeks) as Kathleen had to return to work while I continued my sabbatical. His concerns were well advised. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll of saying farewell to Kathleen for two weeks. We had just enjoyed such an amazing month together of joyful adventures in Korea and China. Now, to part so suddenly felt like a jolt. It didn’t seem right. We both cried. I decided to reduce my time away to 10 days, so I could spend Mother’s Day weekend with her, and then, after a tender breakfast date, I left on Monday, May 11th for Osoyoos.

Soul Surgery in the Desert
I never get tired of the drive to Osoyoos, because of the beautiful route along highway 3 through Manning Park, the Coastal Mountains, and then the dramatic shift from towering green forest-covered mountains to semi-arid desert, once travelling east beyond Princeton. After I settled into the unit at Spirit Ridge, I began a balanced regimen of reading, walking, and prayer. Under Jeff’s direction, I did no vocational reading (related to church work or being a pastor). I pulled out three Chaim Potek novels, generously lent to me by the Pontaltis, and began to immerse myself in the riveting tales of tradition clashing with progress, painfully identifying with them over and over again. I also read, Revelations of Divine Love, by Lady Julian of Norwich, a 13th century Anchoress from Norwich, England, and Heart of the World, by Hans Urs von Balthasar. I continued to miss Korea so much, so I read Korea Unmasked, an insightful commentary on Korean culture and history, from the perspective of a Korean journalist in cartoon format. It was highly informative and hilarious! I also read Escape from Camp 14, the harrowing story of an escapee, Shin Dong-hyuk, from the North Korean gulag. As far as is known, he is the only person in the world who was raised in a North Korean concentration camp, to have escaped. He now lives in Seoul.

I also resumed reading and meditating on Scripture after a one-month break, and it immediately became a gentle scalpel in the hand of the Great Physician. My first month, April, in Korea was “anesthesia before surgery.” The euphoria of non-stop encounters with people Kathleen and I loved so much in a beautiful land and culture so different from our own for a whole month, effectively helped me to stop and shut down all my “ministry systems.” As mentioned in previous blogs, I did not read Scripture or have my regular devotional prayer time for a whole month. I only did some journalling and very little reading. Yet, I felt that the whole time was “prayer.” I felt as close to God as I have ever felt before.

However, my return to Canada in May, including the ten days where I was alone in Osoyoos, felt like I went into surgery and intensive care (ICU). My time on retreat was both glorious and painful. I deeply grieved being away from Kathleen. However, being an introvert, I also enjoyed having the space to be alone, the long silences, the reading, the walks, the running, the prayer, and reflection.

Post-Surgery, Dragons and Snakes
In spite of the wonderful long hours of stillness and silence, the surgery in my soul left me vulnerable. Old wounds of anxiety and performance were stirred up in me, and I came under severe attacks in the middle of the night. I felt like I fought loud intimidating dragons of fear that I thought were long gone. Sometimes, I felt like I was having another breakdown like I suffered 27 years ago.  Attacks came about my age, that I was no longer relevant – to anyone, let alone to God. There were also attacks about my future retirement, about the debt still owed on our house, about feeling so alone and helpless, and also that my life hadn’t counted for much. I found I was comparing myself to so many others I regarded as being so much more successful than me. I saw more snakes in a shorter period of time (yes, real rattlesnakes), than I had ever seen in Osoyoos. I sometimes stopped on the walking trails and spoke to them. I was also blindsided by powerful sexual thoughts and images offering counterfeit comfort for the severe anxiety and loneliness that had hit me. All of these sought to distract me from the rest and stillness I had previously been enjoying on the sabbatical.

As I resumed reading Scripture and practicing lectio divina, deep and painful surgery occurred. I was confronted by the sheer magnitude of how broken I still was. The damage that had occurred to my soul through years of non-stop public ministry seemed evident. Living a Christian life where so much time is either spent on the platform (literally and figuratively), or preparing for and recovering from it, can be so dangerous to one’s spiritual health, appealing to one’s worst narcissism. It often kept me from being present to the moment.

However, I was comforted by my extended phone conversations and prayer times with Kathleen, as well as an incredible webcam visit with my daughter, Danielle, and all our grandkids – where I had extended quality time with each one of them. I was also comforted by the writings of Lady Julian of Norwich. My readings of her Revelations of Divine Love led me into a deep and restful repentance – something that I know will need to be an ongoing process. This repentance was from the sin of unbelief where I frequently seemed so oblivious to God’s immense delight in me. As Ignatius of Loyola wrote, “Sin is the unwillingness to trust that what God wants is our deepest happiness.”

While the first few weeks were sometimes difficult, I felt God do a deep work in me. I left Osoyoos and returned to Vancouver with a much deeper sense of God’s rest than I had ever known, and a new-found joy of how supremely delightful I was to God. This joy remains and has been a source of significant and sustaining strength for me - yet another beautiful result of Sabbath.